I’m a single lady in my early 50s. I never thought I would be at this season in my life and not be married or in a committed relationship. I have had failed relationships where I’ve kept dating the same type of man over and over again, so I decided to take time to redefine myself, and rediscover who I am. I’m not lonely. I really enjoy my own company. I have recently decided that I’m ready to date again. I’m finding it to be very challenging to connect to a man that I may be interested in because I am afraid of getting hurt. I find that I rely on my quick wit, and a huge sense of humor to keep me emotionally safe and at arm’s length. I don’t want to allow myself to be taken advantage of, but I often have struggled in the past with setting boundaries.
I’m a strong lady that works with horses while living in the country western lifestyle. I believe that my personality may be perceived as somewhat intimidating even though I have strong feminine qualities. The men I have dated in the past often have wanted to get serious very quickly without investing time for us to get to know each other first, treating the process like a runaway horse. I want to protect myself and be emotionally safe.
How can I be vulnerable with the people I am dating, yet establish boundaries while getting to know a possible love interest?
–Taking The Reigns of a Relationship
|“Love is the oxygen of life; it’s what we all need and want the most.” -Tony Robbins|
Dear Taking The Reigns,
Every relationship is unique. Past relationships may have not aligned with who you are, but you’ve also changed over time. It seems like you’ve done a lot of self-work and now you’re ready to get back into a new relationship. The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. Once you’re strong on your own and ready to meet new people, that’s a good place to start. When you go back out and start meeting new people, start with the mindset that not everybody’s going to be the same. There are good, amazing, incredible people out there. When you’re already thinking all of these people are going to ask for certain things or expect certain things, that’s what you’re going to start attracting. Start off by putting out the intention of I’m looking for people that are looking for what I’m looking for. Think about all of the things that you do and all of your interests and commonalities, and look for people in various areas, because you don’t have to do everything together in life. When you’re looking for a relationship, the main thing that you want to find is something where you can have a you, a me, and a we in a relationship.
An interdependent healthy relationship is where you can both come to the table and talk about your truth. Instead of wasting time going on dates trying to please the other person, or give them whatever they want, come to the table and be honest about what you’re looking for, so you don’t waste your time. Look for people that are honestly looking for what you’re seeking. That’s going to save a lot of time. I’ve talked to a lot of newly married couples, and that’s what they did at the beginning of their relationship: they actually talked. They didn’t pretend, they didn’t dress differently or act differently for the other person. And that realness is what attracted them to each other. That realness was the part that they fell in love with. If you’re staying real and being beautifully, authentically you and who you are, that’s going to attract the person that’s most aligned with you. By just doing your life and living your purpose, you’re going to find and attract people, whether it’s your significant other, your best friend, whoever it is, in whatever kind of relationship that belongs in your world, just by being your best self every day.
I hope this helps.
“As Always, I wish you
“Life, Love, Laughter & Light!”